As women, many of us are familiar with the expectations we’re often asked to meet – in our relationships, our careers, and our personal lives. But for those dealing with ADHD, anxiety, and trauma, these expectations can feel especially heavy. Often, we don’t even recognize how these three can influence each other, creating a unique cycle that impacts emotional well-being, focus, and self-compassion. Let’s explore how these conditions intersect and how you, as a woman, can create a path to self-understanding and healing.
1. ADHD in Women: Beyond What Meets the Eye
When most people think of ADHD, they picture kids bouncing off the walls, but ADHD can look very different in women. Often, it doesn’t show up as hyperactivity but rather as chronic distraction, emotional overwhelm, or an endless stream of thoughts that make us feel scattered. Many of my clients come to therapy wondering why they’ve had to work so hard just to keep up. ADHD has been overlooked in women for years, often dismissed as “flightiness” or “just stress,” leading many of us to internalize these symptoms as character flaws.
But as Dr. Gabor Maté, a leader in ADHD and trauma research, explains, many of the behaviors we associate with ADHD, like racing thoughts or emotional sensitivity, may come from unresolved stress or early life trauma. For many women, understanding the connection between ADHD and stress is a crucial step toward self-acceptance. After all, it’s difficult to manage a challenge we don’t fully see. When we recognize the signs, we can begin to create intentional structures that support us in our daily lives.
2. Anxiety and ADHD: A Tension That Feeds Itself
For women dealing with both ADHD and anxiety, life can feel like being on a treadmill that never stops. Anxiety, in this case, often comes as a response to the frustrations of ADHD symptoms—like missed deadlines or forgotten commitments. We may try to stay one step ahead by being extra meticulous, which can turn into perfectionism or overthinking, setting us up for exhaustion and burnout.
Maté’s research explains that anxiety, especially in women with ADHD, can stem from a sense of not measuring up to the expectations placed on us. Dr. Jon Kabat-Zinn, the founder of Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR), also notes that mindfulness can be especially powerful here. By practicing presence and gentle awareness, we learn how to approach the moment with calm, reducing that cycle of stress and overdrive.
3. Trauma, PTSD, and ADHD: Navigating the Overlap
Many women carry unspoken trauma – whether it’s from childhood, relationships, or isolated but painful life events. Trauma doesn’t always leave visible scars, but it can leave an imprint on the brain and body that influences how we think and feel. Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, a leading trauma expert and author of The Body Keeps the Score, describes how trauma disrupts the brain’s normal processing, which can look like ADHD in terms of focus and emotional control.
Trauma can heighten ADHD symptoms, leading to emotional reactivity or a sense of “checking out” during stressful moments. Many of my clients are relieved to learn that these reactions aren’t simply personality traits—they’re adaptive responses to past pain. Understanding this connection allows us to meet ourselves with grace and compassion.
4. Creating Healing Practices: A Guide to Managing Overlap
Healing from the combined effects of ADHD, anxiety, and trauma takes time and intentionality. Here are some therapeutic and holistic strategies, inspired by expert research and my work as The Homestead Therapist, that can support your journey to well-being:
• Psychoeducation and Compassionate Understanding: Dr. Maté’s work emphasizes that knowing why we think and behave the way we do is a powerful first step in healing. When we see the connections between ADHD, anxiety, and past trauma, we can reframe these patterns as survival strategies, not personal shortcomings. Knowledge, in this case, is a source of power and compassion.
• Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT): CBT provides helpful strategies for addressing thought patterns that come up with anxiety and trauma. Through CBT, we can reframe our “what if” thoughts and learn to respond more kindly to ourselves. CBT also offers strategies for managing ADHD-related planning challenges, helping women create routines that bring a sense of order and calm.
• Mindfulness-Based Practices: Mindfulness is a powerful tool for building resilience and breaking cycles of reactivity. Research from Kabat-Zinn’s MBSR program shows how mindfulness helps people separate the “noise” from true needs. Through simple practices like mindful breathing or grounding exercises, women with ADHD, anxiety, and trauma can learn to find peace in the present moment, free from past worries or future fears.
• Medication and Holistic Approaches:
o Medication: Stimulants and non-stimulant medications, as well as SSRIs, are effective for managing ADHD, anxiety, and trauma. With careful assessment, we can find the combination that best supports your well-being.
o Nutrition and Gut Health: Nutrition can be a cornerstone of mental wellness. According to Maté, dietary choices impact brain health, and research increasingly shows that a diet rich in whole foods, healthy fats, and omega-3s supports focus and emotional resilience. Consider adding probiotics and whole foods that promote a balanced gut microbiome for additional mood support.
o Herbal Supplements and Essential Oils: Certain herbal supplements, such as valerian root for anxiety and ginkgo biloba for focus, can offer natural support. However, consultation with a healthcare provider is recommended, as these supplements can interact with other medications. Lavender and chamomile essential oils are calming, while rosemary and peppermint support focus. These natural remedies offer gentle ways to support mental clarity and relaxation, particularly when incorporated into daily routines.
• Therapeutic Lifestyle Changes: A supportive lifestyle can have profound effects on mental health. Physical activity, structured routines, and adequate sleep create a foundation for managing ADHD, anxiety, and trauma. Van der Kolk’s work advocates for yoga and movement therapies as a way for trauma survivors to reconnect with their bodies and build resilience. Here on the homestead, I often find that time in nature can help us reconnect with ourselves, supporting a sense of calm and stability.
Blessings,
Felisa
The Homestead Therapist